How To Wrestle Bears

A few days ago, I was wrestling bears in my forest themed bedroom and I was thinking about how I might be the only person who knows the proper techniques of taking down a bear in a wrestling match. I have recognized some reasons for this occurrence. This can easily be tracked back to our poor education system; anyone who doesn't know how to make it through their life without the basic knowledge of how to survive an attack from a dangerous animal is bound to be doomed. I have also tracked it back to our rising obesity rate. The trends with obesity show that the more obese someone is, then the less likely they are to get involved with physical activity and there is definitely a physicality in a bear attack.
There is an extremely well intentioned idea of creating a safe environment to live in, otherwise we would be constantly thrown into events that would put our life in peril. There is never a one hundred percent full-proof plan that will ensure our safety though; we need to be prepared for the unimaginable. This is why I have decided to share my techniques for bear wrestling.
There are many techniques that I will explain to you, but the first and most important is not to use any honey. Bears take the idea of honey to distract them as an insult to their knowledge. Bears have seen that old honey trick a thousand times. The bears even teach that in Cub School. The use of honey will just enrage the bears beyond belief and you will almost certainly be slaughtered unless you have expert bear wrestling skills (despite the fact that an expert bear wrestler would know to never use honey).
The second technique is to start off a match with an immediate sidestep to your left (as you are facing them). Bears are predominately left pawed and will often take the first swipe to their left, and if you do take a step to your left you will get out of their reach of their swipe. A third technique is that if you ever do get hit by one of their swipes, never, ever, play dead. The first thing you do when you hit the ground from their swipe is to roll as fast as possible to whichever direction is the bears left. This goes back to the bears being left pawed. With their natural left sided strength, they are able to push off with their left legs harder creating a faster speed to their right.
The fourth technique is to never ever try to take a blow from one of the bear's running starts. His charge along with the mass of his body will absolutely destroy your ribs. The destruction of your ribs will lead to severe internal damage. This damage will be terrible enough for you to die, even with hospitalization, but most likely you will not even make it away from the bear and you will be dead from the bear finishing you off with a body slam.
These are the four fundamental techniques on how to wrestle bears. I may make a continuation on bear wrestling that includes flashy showboating moves that will make for an amazing show, but without these fundamentals, you will ultimately die.